


She is Home

by lifesizehysteria



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F, adamsfoster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 13:41:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifesizehysteria/pseuds/lifesizehysteria
Summary: Stef and Lena's relationship has blossomed from friendship, to young love, and now, as Stef is finally ready to take that next step, to lovers. Here is what happens during Stef and Lena's first time in bed together.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt was given to me about three years ago by someone who, by now, has become a dear friend. She has always been supportive, offering some of the best and most encouraging reviews from the beginning and her continued encouragement, friendship, and love has been a well of inspiration from which I draw regularly. She is, without a doubt, one of the most influential reasons I am still writing for this fandom and has been a driving force behind most of my recent work. I have been sitting on this prompt, promising to fulfill it when I knew exactly how to do it and she always assured me of her patience. I’ve felt an enormous amount of pressure to get it just right, not only because of the content matter but because I wanted it to be everything that she wanted it to be. So finally, in an effort to give back to her what she gives to me, in whatever way I can, I offer this love story. This one’s for you, Lori. Thank you for everything.

The dishes from dinner were piled in Lena’s sink, abandoned after their meal was finished. Their wine glasses, sipped down to just the dregs, rested atop the coffee table in the living room of her apartment. 80s hits drifted from the radio which had been chosen to fill the background for their usual post-dinner activities, no longer feeling the need for the pretense of TV that they knew they weren’t going to watch. Most of their date nights had become nights in rather than nights out; dinner followed by a make out session that could rival those between two lust-struck teenagers until Stef extricated herself from Lena’s embrace, which grew more desperate every time, and said goodnight.

On this night, Stef was pressed against the length of the couch beneath Lena’s willowy body, her hand tangled in the long black hair at the nape of her neck, keeping her girlfriend from abandoning her lips. Kissing Lena always made her feel dizzy, a little drunk, even when she hadn’t had any wine. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to this, how good it felt, how it stirred up her insides and made her skin tingle like sparklers at midnight. But she must have been getting used to it because every time, she let Lena go a little further, holding off just a little longer the fear that made her pull away. It wasn’t that she didn’t love the way Lena made her feel or the way her body reacted to her touch. She did. It was just the intensity of it. Stef had never felt anything so strong, so all-consuming before and she didn’t want to mess it up. So when she felt her insecurities creeping up, it was easier to walk away before they threatened to take over and ruin everything.

She could feel her kiss-bruised lips pouting as Lena pulled away. But then Lena was kissing the soft skin beneath her chin, the tip of her tongue wet and warm, making Stef melt. Lifting her chin, she offered up her neck as Lena made her way south. A scrape of teeth at the base followed by the soothing of her tongue made Stef shiver. _God, how does she do that?_ Nothing they were doing was anything she hadn’t done before and yet with Lena everything felt new. There was a give and take between them that Stef had never had before. In the past, intimacy and sex had always been about reaching the finish line, often only for her partner, and the rest hadn’t really mattered – to her or the men she was with. But every touch from Lena felt so good, so _right_ and she was determined to give that in return. The problem was, she didn’t feel like she knew how. So, she explored with her hands, never quite sure what to do with them, hoping to elicit a reaction that would tell her she was on the right path. Lena’s body felt so different than anything she’d had before. The softness of her skin, the lean but generous muscles of her arms, the gentle flare of hips and her waist that was impossibly small and yet felt so perfect in Stef’s arms. She sought them all out, marveling at the feeling of them and hoping that Lena enjoyed her touch as much as Stef always enjoyed hers.

Lena came back to her lips at the same time as Stef felt her hand push beneath her shirt. The sensation made her breath catch in her throat. Her heart beat faster as Lena’s hand continued north, playing with the edge of her bra, her fingertips gliding over the exposed skin above it. Her hand closed around her breast, her fingers kneading gently and the fabric under her palm rubbing against the sensitive skin beneath. Stef’s hips thrust upwards against her, making Lena’s rock forward in return, creating a delicious friction that sent heat scorching through both of their bodies. Stef had never felt so out of control of her own body before and being at Lena’s mercy was finally more thrilling than it was scary.

Lena pulled away again, sitting up a little. Stef watched as she removed her own shirt, her heart pounding as she took in the incredible body in front of her.

“How are you even real?” she asked with a hint of nervous laughter. But then Lena was tugging at the bottom of Stef’s shirt and she sobered as her stomach danced with anticipation, realizing things were taking a more serious turn.

“I could say the same thing about you.” Lena’s voice was down in her chest and Stef suddenly knew what it meant to be devoured by someone’s eyes. The pure lust on her girlfriend’s face made her almost painfully aware of her own arousal, the pulse between her legs becoming an ache so strong that it bordered on uncomfortable. She wanted Lena so badly that it threatened to overwhelm and she could feel her insecurities beginning to creep in. In an effort to ignore them, Stef brought her hands up to Lena’s ribs and urged her back down. Kissing didn’t scare her. Kissing Lena was better than anything.

Without their shirts, the feeling of Lena’s skin on hers as their bodies moved together was intoxicating. She grabbed at Lena’s back, pulling her closer, wanting more, and Lena responded with haste. She reached a hand beneath Stef and removed her bra like it was nothing. Such a difference from the fumbling hands of men. Her hand came back to Stef’s breast, this time without any barrier. Stef moaned against Lena’s lips as she teased her nipple until it was hard against her palm. Stef hadn’t thought her heart could beat any harder but when Lena’s lips left hers to kiss their way down her neck and across her chest, down between her breasts, she thought it might pummel its way out of her ribcage. As her girlfriend trailed her lips and tongue over to join her hand, Stef closed her eyes. The wet heat of her breath and tugging of her lips, the firmness of her long fingers, her hair brushing Stef’s skin – every sensation washed over her, her body reacting on instinct alone because she was too overwhelmed for thoughts. Her hand pushed into Lena’s hair and her body moved beneath her as jolts of electricity shot through her with every touch. She wanted more, _needed_ more when Lena’s hand slid down her body from her breast, over her abs then down between her legs. Another moan slipped from her lips and her grip on Lena’s hair tightened as she pushed down against her hand, the seam of her jeans pressing in just the right place. But without warning, the pounding of her heart changed from pleasure to panic and her ribs were too small for her lungs. She wanted this so badly but something was telling her to stop and if she didn’t listen now, she would end up ruining this incredible moment.

As coolly as possible, she urged Lena back up and kissed her with tender lips. “It’s getting late,” she said against her mouth, like she always did when they reached this point, reluctant despite herself. “I’m sorry,” she added when she felt Lena deflate with disappointment.

“It’s okay,” Lena assured her and brushed a light kiss to her lips as she brought her hands back to neutral territory. They laid there for a moment, the silence tense in an unfamiliar way.

“I should go,” Stef said, her voice quiet with remorse as she sat them both up. They did this every week and Lena had never looked at her like this before. For the first time, guilt crept into the pit of her stomach. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’ll call you tomorrow?” It came out as a question, Stef worried that maybe Lena wouldn’t want to hear from her tomorrow. _Dammit_ , she _was_ ruining this.

But Lena nodded, a restless smile on her closed lips.

She didn’t know what else to say and her heart was aching in her chest so Stef moved to stand but Lena caught her wrist.

“Stef, wait.” Stef turned back to her, searching her sad eyes and wishing she could be braver. Lena leaned in and kissed her with yearning and aching softness, her hand coming to rest on her cheek as Stef’s chest squeezed tight until it hurt. As the kiss ended, Lena kept Stef close, the lightest pressure from her fingertips revealing her longing as she rested their foreheads together. “Don’t go,” she whispered.

Stef felt her heart grow heavy beneath the weight of Lena’s fragile plea. “I’m sorry, love.” She rubbed the back of Lena’s arm as she spoke. “I’m not ready.”

“I know.” Lena tilted her head back to look Stef in the eye, shaking her head. “We don’t have to do anything. Just stay the night with me.” Her thumb caressed Stef’s cheek. “I’m not ready to let you go.”

Stef studied Lena’s face, taking in her perfect lips pressed together with trepidation, her beautiful dark eyes overwhelmed with vulnerability, and the tension in her eyebrows drawn together between them. There was a tremor of fear in her belly but the need to wipe away that look on Lena’s face was stronger.

“Okay,” she agreed, her voice airy with emotion. When relief softened Lena’s face, a smile started at the corners of Stef’s mouth, growing until it made it up to her eyes. Lena wrapped her arms around her neck and kissed her again, this time with so much love that Stef knew the reward was well worth the risk.

* * *

The realization that she was waking up beside Lena dawned on her with the morning sun. As daylight nudged her from sleep, she was inundated by Lena’s presence surrounding her. Her scent was on the bedsheets and the pillow beneath Stef’s head; it was on the pajamas she had borrowed. The room looked like her with its feminine prints in warm colors, wooden accents, and decorative knick knacks. It felt natural and inviting while maintaining a sophistication that was innate to the woman she loved. But most of all, Stef was aware of her sleeping form, Lena’s leg draped over hers and their elbows touching between them. Waking up beside Lena felt as unreal as falling asleep with her had the night before. She had fought sleep as long as she could, just to keep feeling her in her arms, afraid that if she closed her eyes, she would be gone when she opened them again. But morning had dawned and she was still there, real and tangible. Her face soft with sleep, her lips relaxed into a delicate pout, serene and perfect. Stef’s very own Sleeping Beauty.

She watched Lena until she stirred, at which point she took hold of her hand, lacing their fingers together as Lena’s eyes drifted open. Her face grew radiant with a slow, sleepy smile. 

“You’re still here.” Her voice was thick with sleep but the relief in it was evident.

Stef watched her, their faces only inches apart. “Did you think I wouldn’t be?”

Lena shook her head. “Just afraid you were only a dream.”

Stef’s cheeks blossomed pink. The sentiment was so close to her own feelings that she felt a little overwhelmed by it so despite the love that poured out of her heart to fill her chest, she retreated a bit.

“That’s a good line, babe,” she teased, hiding behind the safety of humor.

By now, Lena was getting used to the way Stef deflected and knew it was because she felt everything too much, loved too hard, and it threatened the armor she liked to put on against the world. Sometimes Lena took it personally because she didn’t want to be on the outside of that armor. Other times she had to hold Stef in the moment and not let her escape. And sometimes she let it go, accepting Stef’s love in whatever way she was able to give it.

Lena’s smile grew playful. “Not that good,” she said with a shrug. When confusion tugged at Stef’s eyebrows she continued, “It didn’t get you to kiss me.” Her own eyebrows raised in a challenge and after a chuckle from her love, she was rewarded with a kiss that took her breath away.

As the morning sun rose higher they shared lazy kisses, delighting in teasing touches and swept up in the newness of waking up together, both refusing to leave the bed until Lena’s stomach rumbled for the third time.

Stef laughed against her girlfriend’s lips and pulled back to smile at her. “I think it’s time for breakfast, hmm? You obviously need to eat and I’m pretty hungry, too.”

“I’m fine,” Lena vowed, urging Stef back to her lips. After another lingering kiss, Stef pulled away again.

“Uh uh. I will not be responsible for you blowing away in the wind because you skipped breakfast to make out with me,” she insisted, only half kidding. Lena rolled her smiling eyes as Stef rolled out of bed and walked around to Lena’s side, straightening out her pajamas. They were Lena’s baggiest pair and still pulled tight around her most muscular areas – a sight that did not go unappreciated. “Come on,” Stef beckoned, holding out her hand and wiggling her fingers. “I make a mean pancake.”

Lena took her hand and let her pull her from the bed. “You’re going to make me breakfast? I should have you stay the night more often!” The words were out before she could stop them and her heart froze for a second. Was she was being presumptuous?

Without missing a beat Stef said, “I’d love to,” and made Lena’s heart start beating again with a wink before leading her to the kitchen.

“How can I help?” Lena asked once they were in the kitchen and Stef was rummaging through her cupboards for ingredients. 

“By standing there and looking pretty.” Stef flashed a smile over her shoulder as she set the flour down on the counter next to the other dry ingredients and moved to another cabinet for a mixing bowl. Leaning against the counter, Lena felt a little tug at her heart as she realized how well Stef knew her kitchen. There was a domesticity, a familiarity in knowing someone else’s home so well.

“Charming,” she replied, pushing away the thoughts about the future that were lurking in her mind, her cheeks warm and her smile coy. 

“You made dinner so I make breakfast,” Stef explained. “I don’t make the rules.” 

“Then who does?” Lena asked, already chuckling. She loved that Stef could make her silly like this. Silliness had never been something that came easily to her but Stef brought it out like it was second nature.

“I read it in the lesbian handbook,” she said with a straight face while Lena fell into a full belly laugh.

“I don’t remember that rule. They must have updated it since I got mine.”

“You know, you really should get a new copy.”

“I’ll send them an email. Surely they have that by now.”

“Oh, no doubt.” Stef smiled at Lena, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

“Well, can I at least put on a pot of coffee? Or is that against the rules, too?”

Stef threw out her arms in an exaggerated shrug. “Ah, what the hell? I was never big on rules, anyway.” She winked at her again and as Lena passed to get the coffee started, her heart fluttered. It was one of those little habits that was such a _Stef_ thing and Lena just adored it.

With the coffee pot brewing, a comfortable silence fell between them as Lena leaned against the counter, watching Stef make pancake batter from scratch. Who made pancake batter from scratch? Stef Foster did, apparently, and Lena found herself just a little more in love with her. As Stef began pouring batter into the pan, the smells of breakfast filled the kitchen and Lena couldn’t help but think it was starting to smell a lot like home.

Despite her orders and how much she enjoyed just taking in the view of Stef in her kitchen, Lena couldn’t stand around and do nothing. So, while the plate of pancakes grew higher, she poured them both cups of coffee and set the table with plates and silverware, butter and syrup, a bowl of fruit. On one pass by Stef from the fridge, she stopped to kiss her, just because she could, and as she took her seat at the table, sipping hot coffee from her mug, she was sure she couldn’t imagine a more perfect morning.

“Breakfast is served, my love.” Stef leaned over to kiss Lena as she set the plate of pancakes on the table then took her seat across from her. 

After adding butter and syrup, Lena took her first bite. “Oh my god,” she moaned around the mouthful of food. “These are amazing.”

“Why, thank you.” Stef smiled, feeling a faint flush of warmth in her cheeks when she recognized that little moan. 

“Seriously, babe. I think you’ve permanently ruined me for any other pancakes. What did you put in these?”

Stef shrugged. “Just some vanilla and a little cinnamon.”

“They’re incredible.” Lena was damn near shoveling the pancakes into her mouth and somehow managing to still look as refined as ever.

Stef watched her as they continued to eat, not even aware of the shift in her own mood until Lena looked up at her with concern in her eyes.

“What are you thinking?” her girlfriend asked, snapping Stef out of her thoughts.

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head and plastering on a smile. “Just enjoying the view.”

Lena tilted her chin down, eyebrows raised, unconvinced. “Honey, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“How do you do that?” Stef pondered out loud.

“What?”

“Read me like you can see inside my head.”

Lena shrugged. “I just pay attention.”

“Well, I’m the cop. _I’m_ supposed to be the observant one,” she teased.

Lena smiled and waited a beat while she set down her fork and leaned forward toward her girlfriend. “You’re changing the subject,” she said with quiet resolve.

Stef sighed, realizing she wasn’t going to be able to wriggle out of it, a smile somewhere between amused and annoyed on her face. She looked down at her plate as she searched for the right words.

“I was thinking about… last night.” She braved a glance at Lena who was listening with intent, her head tilted just so.

“What about last night?” Lena prompted when Stef hesitated.

Stef’s eyes dropped back down to her plate. “About,” she cleared her throat and pulled at the tip of her nose, a nervous habit she wasn’t even aware of. “About needing to stop.”

“Honey, I’m sorry. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you so fast.”

Stef gave a dry laugh. “No, Lena. It was – ” She blew out an exhale. “I wanted to keep going. I _always_ want to. And you’ve been– Well, you deserve sainthood for your patience…” She laughed again, nervous this time.

“I’ll wait as long as you need, Stef.”

She gave her a small, anxious smile. “I know.” Taking another breath, she wet her lips while fiddling with her fork. “In the beginning I was so ashamed of wanting you… Of, of liking the way it felt to be with you. And sometimes I still feel that way but that’s more when we’re out around other people… When we’re alone, when we’re, you know… I just keep thinking that I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s like I’m a virgin again but this time I’m not with an awkward seventeen-year-old boy who’s just as clueless as I am. Now, not only am I with a _woman_ ,” her eyes grew wider, a hint of unbelieving laughter in her voice, “but I’m with a woman who has a hell of a lot more experience than I do.” A beat passed and she scrubbed her hands over her burning cheeks. “Ugh. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not stupid.” Lena reached across the table to take Stef’s hand, her face soft with understanding. “You may not be a virgin but it’s still a first time. First times are always a little scary. But it’ll also be _my_ first time with you. And even though, yes, I have more experience with women than you…” Lena shrugged, “I’m still nervous.”

“Oh, come on.” Disbelieving, Stef frowned. “What do you possibly have to be nervous about?”

“The same things you do.”

Stef snorted then muttered, “I doubt that.”

Lena dropped her gaze to their clasped hands. She didn’t want Stef to shut down because it was clear she needed to talk about this. Taking a deep breath to remind herself of how hard this had to be, Lena took a different approach when she looked back up.

“Then tell me what scares you.” She squeezed her girlfriend’s hand to offer encouragement, hoping to convey her support through the small gesture. 

Stef shifted in her seat, unsure. A hundred answers bombarded her, swirling around her head; none were things she really wanted to say out loud. There was a lengthened silence before she tried to piece her thoughts into words. 

“I, uh– I’m just not… Not sure what to do…? I mean, I’ve never… _done it_ with a woman.” Her face scrunched as she stammered, her shoulders inching up to her ears. “I think I’m just afraid that my experience with men is going to… I don’t know… Make me do it wrong? I guess?

Lena gave a small, sweet laugh. “There’s no wrong way to have sex, as long as everyone involved likes what’s happening.”

“Okay, and what if we don’t like what’s happening? What if _you_ don’t… like what’s happening?” Stef chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes heavy with these insecurities that she was only just now fully admitting even to herself.

The look Lena gave her was tender and full of empathy. “If one of us doesn’t like something, we just have to be open and honest about it. That doesn’t mean we’re ruining it or that it won’t still be good. Look, honey, there’s always a learning curve the first time you’re with someone new. The first few times, really. There will be for me, too.”

Stef scoffed. “Yeah, okay. That’s not really a fair comparison. It’s like you’re coming in with a full arsenal at your disposal and all I’ve got is a slingshot and a rock.”

Lena frowned, wrinkling her nose.

“Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best metaphor for sex but… You know what I mean. Right?”

“I know what you mean,” Lena conceded. “But just because you haven’t had sex with a woman before doesn’t mean you’re not bringing anything to the table.

“You mean the bed?” Stef snickered, taking the opportunity to try to lighten the mood, uncomfortable in her continued vulnerability. 

Lena shrugged one shoulder, a suggestive smirk on the corners of her mouth as she let her voice drop a little deeper. “That depends on what you’re into.”

Flustered, Stef returned the smile with a sheepish one of her own before clearing her throat and settling back against her chair. “I guess I’m afraid you’ll realize halfway through that you don’t like it and decide this isn’t what you want. That _I’m_ not what you want…” Her voice grew quiet beneath the admission. 

Lena’s head tipped down for a moment, breathing back the emotions that leapt up from the pit of her stomach, unbidden. “I worry that about you, too,” she said quietly, relieved to be able to say it out loud. “Every time we’re together.” She let her eyes drift back up to meet her girlfriend’s and found them wide with shock.

“You do?”

Lena nodded. “Yes. And about whether you feel safe and comfortable.” She let a moment pass in silence. “I’m always trying to check in with your reaction, trying to gauge how you feel and whether or not you like what I’m doing.”

“I do that, too,” Stef admitted, appreciative of this common ground.

“I think that’s a good thing. It means we care about one another, that we respect each other. And that’s more important than anything. The rest of it will come with time.”

Stef nodded but Lena could still see her worry in her downcast eyes and the tension around her mouth. Letting go of her hand, she stood, moving around the table to sit sideways on Stef’s lap, her hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

“I may have more experience with women but I have just as much experience with you as you have with me.” With the knuckle of one finger, Lena tipped Stef’s head up. “And you have nothing to worry about because kissing you is already better than anything I’ve ever had,” she declared before lowering her lips to Stef’s and making her point very clear.


	2. Part 2

It had been a week since Stef had stayed the night and had opened up about her insecurities. The insight had left Lena feeling hopeful. Being nervous about not knowing what to do was something that Lena could navigate. When Stef’s fears had been all about her sexuality and the shame she felt for wanting to be with another woman, it had been harder. Lena hadn’t felt those fears in so long, she was afraid she wouldn’t know how to help Stef through it. But this? This they could handle. Lena was sure that, when the time came, their mutual desire would prove Stef’s worries unfounded. She could already feel it in the most innocent touch from Stef. A hand on the small of her back when walking or the way Stef would push her hair away from her face; they all made Lena weak in the knees. If Stef felt even half of what Lena felt between them, there wouldn’t be any problems once she was ready. It was already all Lena could do to keep her hands off of her whenever they were together and they hadn’t really even made it off of second base yet.

Fortunately, now, as Lena straddled Stef’s lap during their weekly date night in, she didn’t have to keep her hands off of her. In fact, they were buried deep in her blonde hair, urging her closer as their lips worked together with fervor. Stef’s hands were anchored on the top of Lena’s hips, the strength of her grip making Lena’s lower back arch in response. Her lips were tart from the wine they’d had after dinner and the perfume on her neck warmed in the heat between them, the scent familiar and enticing. When the fingers of one of Stef’s hands pushed up the hem of her blouse, Lena couldn’t help but smile against her lips. _How bold_ , she thought. Stef’s sturdy hand slid up the length of her back, a little clumsy but with intent that made Lena’s heart beat faster. Her other hand settled in the small of her back and Lena pressed her hips down beneath the light pressure. When she felt her girlfriend’s body react in kind, grinding up against her, she dragged herself away from her lips long enough to take off her own blouse. They’d only gotten this far a handful of times and Lena still worried each time that she was pushing Stef too far, too fast. But she needed more and if the darkening of her girlfriend’s eyes wasn’t convincing enough, Stef unhooking her bra did the trick. Lena bit down on her lower lip as she slipped off her bra then reached down to tug Stef’s T-shirt over her head, dropping it on the floor with her own. Stef’s black bra was the final barrier between their skin and Lena wanted it gone. Her fingers were headed for the clasp at her back when she felt Stef slide her hands up her ribs to her breasts. Caught off guard, her breath hitched in her lungs as electricity coursed through her body and out to her limbs before coming to rest in a pulse between her thighs. She breathed through parted lips, her body tense with anticipation while her fingers grasped at Stef’s back, their destination forgotten as her body reacted to the way Stef touched her. Lena ached to kiss her, to taste every inch of her, to take her right then and there but she didn’t want to risk scaring her off so instead of moving in, she closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of her hands as she let Stef explore her without disruption.

Her hands were so strong, firm and a little rough in a way that thrilled Lena. There was an unpracticed eagerness, her inexperience making each touch unpredictable. It was an exciting, unintentional torture that had Lena’s nerves burning beneath her skin. She tipped her head back, instinct making her back arch into Stef’s hands to deepen her touch. Her own hands dragged up to hold onto her girlfriend’s broad shoulders while she lost the fight against her will and her hips began a slow rock against Stef’s thighs. When Stef’s tongue slid over one of her nipples, she shuddered in surprise. She pulled her into her mouth and the pulse between Lena’s thighs throbbed with each tentative suck, a quiet moan escaping from her throat. It was too much and not enough and Lena could feel her self-control slipping. Her whole body ached in protest but she gently pushed at her girlfriend’s shoulders while pulling herself away.

“Stef, I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” She sagged on Stef’s lap, her eyes apologetic as she tried to ignore the way her body longed for that contact to return.

Stef’s face fell, her hands dropping away from Lena’s body. “I’m sorry. Was it– Did you not like it?” She cast her eyes down toward their laps.

“Oh, no, babe, no. It wasn’t–” She took Stef’s face in her hands and urged her to look up at her. “I liked it. I really, _really_ liked it.” Her eyes held Stef’s with intent, trying to convey her insistence – to reassure her in every way possible that what she had done had felt _so good_.

“Oh.” Stef looked up at her, her face fraught with vulnerability and confusion. “Then what… What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong.” Shaking her head, Lena tucked a lock of hair behind Stef’s ear and let her fingertips brush over her cheek. “It’s just, I don’t want to rush you to do anything before you’re ready and–” she paused, a blush coloring her cheeks. “If we go any further, I don’t… I don’t think I can stop.” She shrugged and caught her lower lip between her teeth.

A small grin tilted Stef’s lips to one side as her hands came to rest on Lena’s hips again. “I don’t want to stop.”

Lena’s body tensed as she felt her world shift just so and she took a deep breath to steady herself in the midst of it. “Really?” She searched Stef’s face. “Are you sure?” Although there was already hope in her voice, she wasn’t ready to believe just yet. “We don’t have to. I just need to slow down a little bit.”

A beat passed in silence, the tension so thick it coated her lungs with every shallow breath.

“I’m sure.” Stef’s smile made it all the way to her eyes as she pushed the hair away from Lena’s face to cup her cheek. “I want this. I want you, Lena.” The declaration was quiet, brimming with emotion but sure. When Stef drew her down to kiss her as proof, Lena’s heart threatened to break open with the intensity of it.

Joy and relief and excitement washed over Lena all at the same time and she kissed Stef back with eagerness, her hands moving up from her shoulders to rest on either side of her neck. She had thought that when this moment finally came, a dam would break and it would be a frenzy of tangled limbs and desperate lips, the hunger of waiting so long consuming them both. Instead, the unbridled lust that had just been burning through her eased as her nerves edged in. She felt protective of Stef and a little anxious to make sure that this was a good experience for her. She loved her so much and she wanted to show her that sex could be something incredible. Something beautiful rather than something to be endured or ashamed of. She couldn’t take away Stef’s struggles and she couldn’t erase her past experiences. But she could show her that coming together with someone you love was the one form of magic to exist on earth.

She broke their kiss to nuzzle their noses together. The energy between them was still electric but brimming now with love and anticipation, both acutely aware of what was to come.

“Come.” Lena pressed a light kiss to Stef’s lips before standing up and offering her hand. The couch was fun for making out and heavy petting and in the future, she was sure that magic would happen there, too. But the couch was not the place for first times so when Stef stood up, she kissed her once more before leading her by the hand to her room.

Stef’s stomach was doing somersaults and she hoped Lena couldn’t feel her hand shaking as she took her down the hall. _Was she really going to do this_? She couldn’t wait and yet she was still scared. She loved Lena so much and part of her thought that if they never went any further, she wouldn’t jeopardize this amazing thing they had together. But the rest of her wanted to know Lena in every possible way and for the first time, as she followed her into her bedroom, that part of her was finally the one winning out. 

Once in the bedroom, Stef turned and closed the door, casting the already dim room into almost total darkness.

“You know there’s no one else here, right?” Lena reminded her with a hint of laughter, her eyes glittering in the silver moonlight coming through the window.

“Right, of course. That’s– I’m a mom, so…” Stef gave a tense laugh, the blush in her cheeks masked by the dark. “Sorry.”

Lena rubbed her thumb across the back of her hand, somehow even more endeared to this woman than she already had been.

“It’s fine.” As her eyes adjusted to the lack of light, she could see Stef staring at the ground. When she slid her free hand up her arm to her shoulder, there was tension in the muscles beneath her fingertips. Taking a step forward, Lena moved her hand up to the back of Stef’s neck, encouraging her to look up while she brought their clasped hands up between their bodies. She held Stef’s palm against her chest, over her heart. She wanted her to feel how her heart reacted to her. How she made it flutter, and skip, and pound. She wanted Stef to know all the ways she controlled it because it was already hers.

Lena moved to kiss her, then hesitated before their lips met. For just a little longer she wanted to remain on the edge of this precipice. To savor the anticipation and excitement that she knew would be there before every time but never quite as strong as before _this_ time, when so much was still ahead of them. Stef’s lips were so close she could feel the magnetic pull of them, of her. She had felt it the day they met and in every touch, every embrace, every kiss since. Although she had tried so hard in the beginning, she had learned early that it was irresistible. So, when Stef tilted her chin up in a reach that was almost imperceptible, Lena stood no chance against it, succumbing as she threw herself over the edge and let them both fall.

Stef could feel Lena’s heart beating faster beneath her palm, matching the racing of her own as their lips finally met. She felt the kiss in every part of her body, like a white-hot current all the way down through the soles of her feet and she was sure there must be scorch marks on the floorboards where she stood. It was unlike anything she had ever felt, even between them, and she could have spent a lifetime feeling it and never gotten enough. Swept up in it, Stef wrapped her arms around Lena, pulling her closer as her passion grew. Their bodies moved together, skin against skin, fingers gliding over ribs and hips and abs while tongues joined lips and the kiss grew even deeper.

As Lena walked her backwards, Stef felt her fingers on her back, unclasping her bra and her stomach did a pleasant twist. Their embrace continued as her legs knocked against the side of the bed and she let Lena slide the straps off of her shoulders. Her fingertips grazing the length of Stef’s arms raised goosebumps on her skin and the garment fell to the floor as they both became keenly aware of Stef’s bare breasts brushing against Lena’s cool skin. It was exquisite and agonizing and as much as Lena craved the feeling of them in her hands, she ignored the temptation for the moment. Stef’s comfort was still at the forefront of her mind and she didn’t want to do anything that would risk shutting her down. So, to keep her own urgency contained, her hands landed on Stef’s hips as she pulled away from her lips to slow herself down.

Stef was panting when Lena’s lips left hers. She wasn’t sure she was ready for the kiss to end. Kissing was when she felt most confident and with her mouth unoccupied she became overly aware of her unsure hands and her shaky knees. But the feeling of Lena’s breath on her neck as she kissed her way down gave her that familiar dizzy feeling, distracting her from her self-consciousness. She closed her eyes and leaned into it, trying to control her breathing as Lena mapped a warm, wet trail along one of her collar bones and over to her shoulder. Her body felt like it would float away if not for the arms anchoring her down so she held on tighter. Just when she was beginning to relax into the kisses now being pressed to her chest, she felt a hand slide lower on her back, fingers dipping below the waistband of her jeans. The breach of this barrier shot a pulse of arousal straight down between her thighs, the strength of it making her breath stutter. 

Lena’s hand pushed lower. Stef had a great ass and she appreciated it even more now that she had it in her hand. She pulled Stef harder against her at the same time that Stef drew her back up into another kiss. Stef’s tongue slid against hers and Lena whimpered when she tugged at her lower lip with her teeth. A surge of desire threatened to take over Lena as her craving for Stef’s body grew persistent. She wanted to know every inch, the way she did in her fantasies. Her hands made quick work of Stef’s belt, undoing her jeans and sliding them down her hips. They broke apart and Stef eagerly stepped out of them while Lena shed her skirt before leading Stef onto the bed. She urged her back against the mountain of pillows, coming to rest on her knees between her girlfriend’s legs.

“Is it okay if I turn the light on?” she asked. Her voice was low and heavy with want. “I want to see you.”

The sultry declaration made Stef’s stomach tighten and her whispered agreement caught in her throat. Lena reached over and flipped on the lamp beside the bed, flooding them with soft, yellow light. Stef’s jaw went slack at the sight of Lena leaning over her, cast in hazy light and harsh shadows. Her body was so perfect. Her gorgeous brown skin, the flare of her hips and those lean legs that never ended, her long neck that always beckoned Stef’s lips, and her small round breasts that she had discovered earlier were a perfect fit for her hands. Stef had a hard time believing that this woman, with the body of a model and the heart of a saint, who was so far out of her league in every way, actually wanted her. But as Lena looked down at Stef with her lip caught between her teeth like she was a feast, she knew it must be true.

Lena knelt between her legs, her hands coming to rest on Stef’s bent knees. A battle waged inside her. One part of her wanted to ravish the gorgeous woman beneath her, for whom she had waited so long. Stef’s body was incredible, even better than she’d imagined. And she had spent a lot of time imagining it. It was athletic and strong and Lena wanted to feel every defined muscle, every inch of smooth, milky skin. The smattering of freckles across her chest was an alluring roadmap to the heavy breasts that she couldn’t stop thinking about. But even as she ran her hands down the length of her thighs, the muscles firm beneath her palms, Lena could feel her heart aching to burst. She loved Stef with a depth that scared her when she let herself feel it fully and that love made her want to cherish this moment, to soak in every second and make it last a lifetime. She gazed down at Stef and despite the burning desire that ran through her body, begging for more _right now_ , Lena realized that when it came to Stef, her heart would always win.

Walking her hands along the bed, Lena came to rest over Stef, not quite bearing down all of her weight. Stef’s hands settled on her hips and slid up her sides as Lena studied her face. There was desire in her heavy eyelids and her pouting lips. But there was also a nervousness in the tightness around her mouth, in the brightness of her eyes, and the slight trembling of her hands. It seemed Stef had a bit of a war going on inside of her, too. Her lips curved up into a warm, understanding smile as she played with the ends of a lock of hair that fell over Stef’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay to be nervous.” She held Stef’s gaze as she uttered her reassurance. “At any point, if you don’t like something or you want me to stop, I want you to tell me, okay? You’ll always be safe with me.”

Stef searched Lena’s eyes, wondering how she could read her that way. Was it really written all over her face or could she just sense it? The corners of her lips turned up in a close-lipped smile, her face softening as the tension faded from it. She brought her hand to cup Lena’s face, tracing her thumb over her lips.

“I trust you,” she told her with certainty. She had never felt trust like she did for Lena. She trusted her pure heart, trusted her love. No one had ever made her feel so safe or so whole. 

Moving as one, they came together in a kiss that could have moved the heavens. Love surrounded them, wrapping them in its warmth until they existed only for each other. In each other’s arms, warmth turned to heat, which smoldered until it ignited. Stef held Lena closer, the feeling of her body moving against her own fueling a need unlike any she had ever felt before. Her hands wandered her back and her shoulders, gripping and pulling as the flames of desire spread through her body.

Unable to wait any longer, and finally sure Stef was ready, Lena pushed her right hand between their bodies. She found Stef’s breast and stroked it with her palm. Stef sighed when Lena’s other hand joined, repeating the same motion on her other breast. As her hands worked, stroking and teasing, she kissed her way along Stef’s jawline and down her offered neck. She didn’t bother lingering when she had another, more enticing destination ahead. Her mouth trailed down her chest while she rolled both nipples between her fingers, tugging gently. She palmed them again before replacing her left hand with her mouth. She dragged it around Stef’s nipple, sampling as much delicious skin as she could. While her thumb continued to tease, she pressed a kiss to the center of her breast before sweeping her tongue over the sensitive flesh. Stef squirmed as Lena blew on the wet skin, the cold air making it harden even more. When goosebumps began to form around it, Lena dipped her head and brushed her warm lips over it before pulling it fully into her mouth.

Stef had never been touched like this before. Everything Lena did with her mouth, she mimicked with her fingers on the other side. There was a thoughtfulness, an intent to every flick, every roll, and tug as she worked Stef’s body with an effortlessness as if it had been made just for her. When she drew out yet another moan like it was the easiest thing she’d ever done, Stef began to believe that it really had been.

Lena dragged her lips over to Stef’s other breast at the same time as she slipped her hand down between her legs. When she pressed her fingers against the wet fabric, Stef pushed back against her. The fabric between them was an agonizing barrier, causing a heavenly friction as Lena lightly rubbed with the flat of her hand. Just enough to tease but never enough to satisfy, setting Stef’s body on fire. She had never felt a sweeter torture but as much as she didn’t want it to end, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could take it. As she strained down to try and get some relief, her heart pounded in her ears. Lena’s teeth scraping across her nipple was the final crack that broke the dam and started the flood.

“Lena…” When she moaned her name, Lena had the audacity to chuckle. Desperate and frustrated, Stef grabbed at her shoulders until Lena came back to her and Stef captured her lips in a ravenous kiss that was all take. She pushed her tongue into Lena’s mouth, sucked at her lips, pulling with her teeth all while grinding down harder against Lena’s hand that was now cruelly motionless.

Lena had unleashed something unexpected in Stef and _god_ did she love it. Feeling the fire raging through her lover fueled her own, taking her to a place she hadn’t thought she would be able to go with Stef for a while. A place where love fueled lust with abandon and she didn’t have to temper her own desires around the pace set by Stef’s insecurities. While Stef rocked against her hand, Lena tried to leave her lips in search of another location but Stef protested by pulling her back. So, she relented and stayed a little longer.

Lena could have spent all night kissing Stef and although she loved the appearance of this fiery side, she could feel the urgency in her girlfriend and knew that she would want what was coming if she would just let her continue. So she wrested her lips from Stef’s long enough to ask, “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” Stef breathed then kissed her again, her hands clinging to her ribs. Lena smiled into the kiss, enchanted by the desperation, loving being desired with such intensity.

A gratified hum slipped from her lips as she placed a peck on Stef’s lips before wriggled out from her grasp. “Then I’ll be right back. _I promise_ ,” she added with a grin when Stef let out a pathetic whimper.

Sitting back on her haunches, Lena didn’t waste any time. It was clear that, in more ways than one, her love was finally done waiting. She could feel Stef watching as she tugged her panties down her muscular legs and tossed them over the edge of the bed. Lena’s heart beat a little faster at the glimpse she had beneath Stef’s closed knees and if this had been any other time, she would have been heading straight down between them. But not only had she promised she would come back, there was an intimacy that she craved that she could only get by being face to face as they completed this very first act of love. So, with just a twinge of reluctance and a hell of a lot of excitement, she pressed Stef’s knees apart and slithered back up to her.

Lena pushed her left arm beneath Stef’s shoulders to hold them as she brought their mouths back together. In the brief respite, Stef had reeled herself in, sobering a bit in the reality of what was coming. Lena was able to kiss her with lingering tenderness, hovering over Stef’s reaching lips between each light kiss until they both ached from anticipation. While edging the tip of her tongue between them, Lena reached down between their bodies, sliding her hand down back down between Stef’s legs. As she cupped the wet curls in her palm, Stef trembled beneath her and Lena kissed her deeper. With no barrier left, Lena’s heart pounded against her ribs now that she was finally going to get to touch her after waiting so long. She pressed her fingers between her folds and into the slippery heat, opening her slowly to give her love time to adjust to each new sensation. Stef’s fingers pressed into Lena’s shoulder and as her fingers cautiously explored, it didn’t take long for Stef to become distracted, her lips reacting in slow motion to Lena’s. At the first stroke of her clit, her breath hitched and her parted lips halted altogether. Lena kept her touch light, gliding her wet fingertips over the sensitive spot. She added pressure little by little and as she continued to kiss her lips, Stef was so focused on Lena’s fingers that she couldn’t even kiss her back.

She let her temple rest against Stef’s, closing her eyes and listening to the little gasps and moans she provoked as she played. Her fingers grew more slick as Stef’s body reacted to her touch. Her chest began to rise and fall with heavy breaths and Lena could feel tension begin to seep into her muscles. When her hips rocked up against her hand, Lena looked down at her. Her eyes were closed, eyebrows drawn together, pink blossomed in her cheeks. She was lost in the pleasure and a heat wave crashed through Lena at the sight. She moved one leg over her and shifted onto her hip so she was draped over her right side. With her leg wrapped around Stef’s to tug it wider, she held her closer and caught her in a devouring kiss before pressing two fingers into her.

Stef gasped against her mouth. Her whole body shuddered as her inner muscles clamped around Lena’s long fingers.

“Is this okay?” Lena asked, pulling back to look down at her, wanting to be sure before she continued.

Unable to speak, Stef nodded. She only saw a glimpse of the smile that spread across Lena’s lips as she anchored her thumb against her clit. When she began to move her fingers, Stef’s eyes fluttered closed and her head pushed back into the pillow as a low, guttural moan slithered from her throat.

Lena worked with deft fingers, her thumb sliding against Stef’s clit in time with her gliding fingers. She kissed her neck, her chest, and down to her breast.

“Oh god…” Stef moaned when Lena took her nipple into her mouth. She arched her back, her hand pushing into the hair at the nape of Lena’s neck. Lena sucked her nipple deep into her mouth before letting it slide back out between her lips. She circled it with her tongue in time with her fingers, drawing out moan after moan as she built Stef up, bringing her closer to the edge. The sounds of Stef’s pleasure, the feeling of her wet arousal in her hand, the taste of her skin – it was almost too much. She had never wanted anyone the way she wanted Stef and finally having her at her fingertips was enough to drive her toward madness.

It wasn’t long before Stef fell silent, fingernails digging into Lena’s scalp, pulling at the hair wound around her fingers. Her breath caught in her lungs as she strained against Lena’s hand. Lena used the arm beneath Stef to pull her closer, cradling her as she brought their faces level. She nuzzled their noses, looking down at Stef who was frozen on the edge.

“It’s okay,” she assured her in a tender whisper. “Just breathe into it and let go.” Stef obeyed, taking a deep, jagged breath that shook the iron vise from around her. Her body quaked in Lena’s arms as she exhaled with a moan that filled every corner of the room. Lena pulled her even closer so her lover’s face was buried against the crook of her neck, wrapping her in the safety of her arms as she brought her down gradually until Stef’s shudders came to a stop.

When her body went slack beneath her, Lena leaned down to kiss her. It was a slow, sweet kiss that poured her devotion into her. Getting a woman off had never made Lena feel this good, this full of love and want. It was so much more than she’d dreamed it could be and she already couldn’t wait to do it again. She gazed down at the woman beneath her whose cheeks were flushed, her chest splattered pink as it heaved with each breath. She wiped away the beads of sweat that glistened on Stef’s brow and traced her fingers down her temple and over her cheek.

Stef felt like her world was broken open. Like she was seeing it for the first time after uncovering the greatest of secrets. “Is it always like that?” she managed between breaths.

Lena tilted her head to one side, tracing her thumb across Stef’s mouth. “Like what?”

“Mind blowing.”

Lena looked at her for a moment then, tentative, asked, “That wasn’t your _first_ …?”

“Orgasm?” Stef filled in and Lena nodded. “No, love,” she chuckled, her eyes open to slits. “But it was the first time it’s ever felt like _that_.”

Lena pressed her lips together to try to conceal a proud smile. “I _hope_ it’s always that good.” She leaned down to kiss Stef again. “You can tell me if it is when I’m done,” she said against her lips.

Stef pulled back, astonishment widening her eyes and excitement swirling in her belly. “You’re not done?”

Lena shook her head, making the hair around her face ripple. “Not even close.” She pressed a kiss to Stef’s shocked lips before moving back to kneel between her legs. It was the first kiss in a long, wandering trail left along her body. Stef’s nerves were already heightened from her orgasm and she felt each and every kiss in the lingering pulse between her legs. The lower she went, the stronger the pulse throbbed. Lena laid kisses from her shoulders down to her wrists, in the palms of her hands and on each fingertip, across her chest and over both breasts. When she reached her belly, Stef shivered from Lena’s hair brushing over her stomach and her tongue sweeping along her abs. Pushing herself up onto her elbows, Stef watched her girlfriend scooch down the bed and lift one ankle to her lips. The kisses continued up the inside of her leg at an excruciating pace until she reached the sensitive crease at the very top of her thigh. Stef’s heart pounded in her chest. Lena’s eyes met hers, a smirk on her face at Stef’s unmasked desire as she hovered over her dark curls. When she turned back to her other ankle, Stef collapsed back against the pillows, deflating with a groan. She closed her eyes and waited as Lena repeated her ascent up the opposite leg.

When Lena reached the top of that leg, she flicked her tongue along the crease between her thigh and her curls, getting her first taste of her. Saliva pooled in her mouth and it was all she could do to keep from just burying her face into her. _Next time_ , she thought, still wanting to take the time to savor this, not wanting to rush through any part of it. 

She slid the palms of her hands up along either crease and used her thumbs to open her. Stef could feel her hovering, her breath washing over her. Her limbs buzzed as a shot of adrenaline raced through her veins. She had never felt this vulnerable, as open and exposed as she did with Lena so close the most intimate part of her. It scared her as much as it thrilled her.

Lena pressed a kiss to her outer lip, continuing a path of them up to the top and back down the other side. Stef sucked her lower lip between her teeth as her heart raced with anticipation, waiting for contact where she wanted it most. When Lena only blew on that spot, enough to feel but not enough to satisfy, Stef whimpered her protest and Lena conceded.

She kissed Stef’s clit, making her lover’s belly sink in with a deep, satisfied inhale. As Lena tugged gently with her lips and tongue, Stef could feel her own arousal, how wet Lena made her. She worried briefly if Lena wouldn’t like it and would want to stop. But then, as if she could hear Stef’s thoughts, Lena dragged her tongue up the length of her, moaning against her, the vibrations making Stef arch into her mouth.

At that point, Stef was too far gone for any more worry. Nothing existed except the way Lena’s tongue moved against her. Light at first, making her body jerk with every stroke. Then, as her breathing turned to quiet moans, Lena added more pressure, taking breaks to suckle until Stef’s toes curled against the mattress. When she began to rock down against her, Lena settled in with the flat of her tongue at a pace that complemented that of Stef’s hips. She pushed her legs wider with her hands, her tongue never breaking contact as she felt Stef’s body start to shake. Lena wrapped her arms around Stef’s thighs for more leverage, urging her over the edge. Stef’s hands gripped the sheets as if they might anchor her to the earth. Heat exploded inside her, rushing out to fill her body until she shattered, her cries muffled only by the ringing in her ears.

She came back to consciousness to the feeling of Lena pressing soft kisses along her outer folds, just as she had started. Her muscles were too weak to even lift up her head, eyelids too heavy to open; her arms and legs, weighing a hundred pounds each, were sprawled unceremoniously across the mattress while she recovered. She wasn’t even aware of Lena coming to lie beside her until she felt a kiss land on her lips. Eyes still closed, she kissed Lena back. It was chaste compared to all that had just happened but she realized she could taste herself on Lena’s lips and although it was a bit strange, she found it deeply erotic.

As she regained the use of her muscles, Stef turned onto her side, pulling Lena into her. Everything around her felt hazy, like she was in a dream. The taste of herself was ever-present in their kiss, a constant reminder of what Lena had just done, how she had made her feel. It filled Stef with a profound need to give Lena that same feeling and to know her in that way. She took their embrace from the light, loving one of afterglow to a much more voracious depth and Lena was earnest to follow.

Lena’s arousal was so strong that she was already heading past dizzy and straight toward desperation when Stef’s hand gripped her thigh and, with a powerful tug that made Lena’s heart skip, drew her leg over her hip. Lena thrust her hips down, getting the tiniest taste of friction against Stef’s leg that just made her thirst for more.

She kissed Stef harder, letting herself get lost in her own need for the first time. As Stef’s hands roamed her body, Lena’s hips fell into a slow, steady rhythm. It was an indirect contact that she knew would only lead to frustration but it felt so good and she knew, somewhere in the back of her mind beneath the burning of her skin and the yearning of her body, that she needed a pace far beyond what Stef was ready for just yet. So, she continued to grind, taking the bit of relief available that would give her girlfriend a chance to catch up.

A hand slipped between their bodies, gliding up over her stomach to her breast. Lena smiled as Stef cupped it, her thumb running over her nipple, drawing out a satisfied hum against her lips. There was still an unpracticed nature in her touch but it seemed she had been paying attention. The similarities in technique didn’t go unnoticed but neither did they go unappreciated. Lena’s body was so primed that even the lightest touch sent electric waves through her. Her back tensed, breath caught in her lungs when Stef’s lips pulled away and swept down the length of her neck. It was a slow journey that made Lena ache, waiting for what she knew was coming. Just before Stef’s mouth reached its soft, sweet destination, she pulled Lena against her and rolled her onto her back. Lena gasped, surprised and delighted at the sudden change in dynamic. She only had a moment to revel in the feeling of being pressed beneath her girlfriend’s sturdy body before the sensation of her mouth on her breast overtook everything else.

Stef felt Lena’s whole body shiver as she pulled her nipple in between her lips. It still felt impossible that she was doing this at all but she was so swept up in the moment, so caught up in loving Lena and in craving her, that nothing else mattered. She touched and teased, exploring as she became acquainted with Lena’s exquisite body and the way it reacted to her. She hadn’t realized how much she could enjoy giving someone else this kind of pleasure but every time Lena moaned, or gasped, or squirmed, Stef felt it in her core.

The feeling of Stef’s lips on her ribs, moving down into uncharted territory, pulled Lena back into reality. She pushed herself up onto one elbow and, seeking out her cheek with one hand, urged Stef to look up at her. 

“Nothing’s changed. You know that, right? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to and you can stop anytime.”

Stef came back to her so their faces were level and brushed the back of her fingers against her cheek. She wondered what someone so good even saw in her.

“I don’t deserve you, Lena Adams.”

Lena wanted to argue. She wanted to tell her how incredible she was. How good and kind, beautiful, and strong. But she didn’t get the chance because Stef drew her in to kiss her and every thought was lost as Lena thought she might drown in her love.

Stef laid her back down with such care that she felt like she was the most precious treasure in the world. And to Stef, she was. Their hearts beat in unison as Stef sought out Lena’s right hand and clasped it with her left. She brought their hands to her lips and Lena watched as she brushed their laced fingers against them, the kiss so soft she barely felt it. She kissed Lena again and both their hearts beat faster as Stef began to kiss her way down the center of Lena’s body.

Making a direct path, Stef didn’t stray on her way. It was time and the longer she waited, the more her nerves tried to take over. She squeezed Lena’s hand then withdrew from it so she wouldn’t feel it shaking. Her fingers traipsed along the delicate skin just above the lace trim of Lena’s panties. Lena let out a little squeal and her hips wriggled at the light sensation. Apparently she was ticklish there. Stef adored every new thing she learned about Lena and this was just one more thing to love.

Relenting, she hooked her fingers inside the edge of the fabric and slid them down Lena’s gorgeous, long legs. Lena watched as she kissed the inside of her thigh, sure the feeling was going to burn her down to cinders as she moved further and further up her leg.

When she ran out of real estate, Stef felt her stomach flip-flop, caught somewhere between terrified and excited. She wanted to give Lena everything and be everything she wanted. But what if she hated it? Wasn’t this some kind of requirement for being with a woman? If she didn’t like it, was that proof that she wasn’t really a lesbian? And if she wasn’t a lesbian, what the hell was she? Stef was so caught up in her fears that she almost forgot Lena was there until she felt her take hold of her hand again. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t push or put any expectations on her. She just offered her hand as an anchor in the midst of whatever storm Stef was caught in.

The feeling of Lena’s hand in hers was the last bit of bravery Stef needed. With a deep, calming breath, she placed her first kiss right to Lena’s clit.

Lena’s head fell back as a moan crawled from her throat, so strong it surprised even her. An experienced woman might have thought such a moan after just one light kiss was an exaggeration, an attempt at an ego boost. Whether it was her inexperience or just her trust in Lena, Stef didn’t even consider that it could be anything but genuine. And she was right. Lena had been waiting so long to feel Stef touch her – not for hours or even days. She had waited months since they started dating, almost a year since the first spark of attraction. So that powerful moan was not for effect or a ploy for anyone’s benefit, though it certainly spurred Stef on. It was the joyous relief of the first drop of rain on the drought-ridden earth.

There was a shadow of hesitation as Stef laid down a few more kisses, each one firmer than the last. They sent shockwaves through Lena’s body, the wait between them almost unbearable. With the first flick of Stef’s tongue, Lena grasped at the pillow above her head like it was her final hold on self-control.

As Stef pushed through her nerves, she settled in and let her instincts take over. She was overwhelmed by Lena – her legs surrounding her, the taste of her, the way she smelled. There was so much to take in and she loved every second of it. After spending so much time worrying that she would hate this, she hadn’t considered the possibility that the opposite might be true. But as she sucked Lena’s clit into her mouth and felt her hand on the back of her head pulling her in closer, Stef was sure she could spend the rest of her life content to do only this.

Stef was enthusiastic and eager to please but her inexperience made her unfocused. Under different circumstances, when Lena wasn’t so far beyond desperate, she would have been happy to let her play and learn. But now her body was overloaded. Her nerves were so heightened that the constant change in technique was distracting, taking her almost all the way before another change pulled her back from the edge. When she was already so desperate, it was way more than she could handle. Finally, after some guidance, both verbal and physical, Lena got Stef doing exactly what she needed, where she needed it, and at the right pace and she was finally, mercifully nearing her destination.

It felt a little like Stef was blindfolded in a maze and after wandering around in the dark, Lena had shown up to lead her through. Now, Lena’s hand was pulling at her hair while Stef lapped at her with the flat of her tongue, trying to maintain whatever she was doing that was making Lena pant and grind down against her. She hadn’t expected this to be hard and yet as her jaw started to ache, she wasn’t sure if she could keep going as long as Lena needed her to. Determined, Stef buckled down and added more pressure. Lena’s body began to tense but as she strained down against her, Stef’s jaw started to lock up.

“Don’t stop,” Lena begged, clutching at Stef as she pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I can’t keep going.” Stef wiped at her chin, flexing her sore jaw as she looked at Lena over the hills and valleys of her body. Her chest was heaving and there were beads of sweat on her skin. It was obvious how close she had been. Guilt and humiliation crept up Stef’s spine, her cheeks burning red as she dropped her eyes away from Lena’s face. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“It’s okay. It’s fine,” Lena assured her. She took a second to regain her composure and remind herself that this was all brand new for Stef. She had been so ready by the time Stef got started that she really hadn’t thought it would take long. She should have anticipated that with someone so inexperienced, it might take longer than expected to make it to a finish. But the throbbing ache between her thighs was intolerable so she sat up and took Stef’s face in her hands to kiss her. “I love you,” she said when she pulled back, “and you have nothing to be ashamed of. It happens. But right now, you still have two perfectly good hands and I’m going to need you to make good use of them.”

Stef knew a command when she heard one and this one made her heart pound in her chest. There wasn’t time for her to overthink or dwell on what had happened because Lena was pushing on her chest until she was sitting and then her gorgeous legs were straddling her lap and her perfect, full lips were on hers, kissing her like she was the only thing keeping her alive. Stef’s hands instinctively sought out her thighs, sliding up them to her hips and pulling her in against her. The flames that raged between them were stronger than they’d ever been and Stef loved the way they burned.

Lena was a woman of great patience. She always prided herself on her perseverance and steady composure but even the strongest had their limits and her well had run dry. With one hand gripping Stef’s shoulders, she took her lover’s hand and guided it down between her legs. She used Stef’s fingers to dip into her before dragging them, wet and slick, up to her swollen clit. As Stef’s fingers, working in tandem with her own, pushed beneath her hood and began to circle, Lena’s breath caught in her lungs. It was everything her body had been craving and the relief was instantaneous. Her hips rotated as she pressed them down against their hands. She was already almost back at the edge of release. 

“Keep going, just like this,” she told Stef when it became too much for her to help. 

“Yes, my love,” Stef promised, feeling much more confident in the strength of her arms and hands. As she continued unassisted, Lena’s head tipped back, exposing the generous length of her neck. Stef latched on, sucking at the base until Lena cried out from the pleasant sting then soothed it with her tongue and kissed down her chest. Jolts of electricity scorched through Lena with every circle of Stef’s fingers. She wrapped her arms around her broad shoulders, curling forward as she strained down against her hand but it still wasn’t enough.   
  
“Harder,” she growled and when Stef complied, her hips thrust forward and her body began to quiver. Her arms were like a vise around Stef shoulders, their bodies slick with her sweat. Her gasping moans rushing against Stef’s ear sent shivers down her spine. Lena’s nails scraped down her back, digging in at the base. Stef added just a little more pressure and every muscle in Lena’s body contracted, squeezing until she couldn’t breathe. She came powerfully and silently in Stef’s hand, clinging to her like a lifeline until her body trembled and her muscles went slack. She dropped her head onto Stef’s shoulder, trying to catch her shaking breath. She was grateful for the sturdy arms that wrapped around her, holding her up, keeping her safe. Those arms that felt like home.

Stef was nuzzling her shoulder and when she was able, she lifted her head to kiss her. She had spent so long imagining this moment and part of her had worried that maybe it wouldn’t live up to her expectations. That she’d built it up in her mind too much and that she would come away disappointed. But none of her fantasies even came close to reality. The sex had been astounding. Well beyond anything that should be expected of a first time. But more than that, Lena felt connected to Stef in a way she’d never experienced with anyone. She had thought she’d been in love before but nothing compared to this.

Lena pulled back, a satisfied smile on her lips. “That was incredible.”

An unsuspected wave of relief washed over Stef, curving her own lips up in a smile that matched Lena’s. “Was it?”

“Mhmm,” Lena reiterated, nodding. “Well worth the wait.” With another kiss to her lips, Lena laid back against the pillows and tried to tug Stef down with her but Stef resisted. “What is it?” she asked when Stef looked unsure.

Stef looked at her hand, which she had been holding awkwardly away from them since removing it from between Lena’s legs. “I feel like I should I go… wash my hands… or something?”

Lena had to stifle a laugh, pressing both lips between her teeth, even as her dimples appeared in her effort not to smile. _So worried_ , she thought. _And so damn cute_.

“You can, if you want,” she offered and then dropped her voice down into her chest, her grin turning decidedly devilish. “But we’re just going to make it dirty again.”

Stef cleared her throat as her cheeks burned red and she had to look away from Lena for a moment. “Are we?” She managed a flirtatious raise of her eyebrows after recovering.

“Mhmm.” Lena sat back up and took hold of Stef’s wrist. “In the meantime, I can take care of this for you.” Holding Stef’s eyes captive, she brought her hand to her lips. Stef swallowed hard as she watched Lena lick the length of the underside of her fingers. She took each finger into her mouth, sucking them clean one at a time, closing her eyes as though she were savoring every drop. By the time she was done, Stef’s clit was throbbing and her face was so hot it felt like it was on fire.

“Better?” Lena asked, looking innocently at Stef from beneath her long eyelashes. When Stef gaped at her, speechless, Lena chuckled. “You gonna be okay, babe?”

“Yeah– That, uh… That was…” Stef cleared her throat again and regained her voice. “ _God_ , that was hot,” she said in disbelief.

Lena laughed quietly through her nose, her eyes glimmering at her girlfriend. “Oh, honey. That was tame.” She kissed Stef’s stunned lips. “Give me time, Stefanie Foster. You have no idea what you’ve unleashed.” With another smirk, she laid back down, succeeding at pulling Stef down with her this time.

“I’m not sure I’m going to survive,” Stef said as she came to rest beside her. The endless possibilities swarming her mind made her stomach flutter. Lena’s smile turned coy, suddenly a little shy despite the truth behind her declaration. “I can’t wait,” Stef murmured. Her hand came to rest on Lena’s cheek and she pressed a kiss to her lips. They shared a light, playful embrace until Lena shivered, goosebumps forming on her limbs. Stef pulled the folded quilt up from the foot of the bed and draped it over them. “C’mere,” she beckoned and Lena turned, sliding back against her girlfriend as Stef’s arm draped around her waist. She sank into the embrace, sighing in appreciation, the heat along her back already warming her skin.

Lena was just considering letting herself doze off when Stef broke the silence that had fallen between them. “Sorry that I couldn’t, you know… finish before.”

That had been so far from Lena’s mind, it felt a bit out of left field. “It’s fine, babe.” She turned to face Stef and found a deep frown on her face. “I mean it. It happens and it’s not a big deal. And you _did_ finish. _Very_ successfully.” Lena tilted a smile at her and Stef couldn’t help but return it with a bashful one of her own.

“Yeah, well, I guess… I just would have liked to have finished the way I started.”

“You will,” Lena promised. “It gets easier the more you do it,” she said with a suggestive raise of her eyebrow. Then, dropping the flirtation she added, “And the more you get to know your partner’s body.”

Stef gave a disheartened chuckle. “ _You_ certainly didn’t have a problem finishing and you don’t know my body any better than I do yours.”

Lena pressed her lips together, almost apologetic. “I guess my arsenal _is_ a little bigger,” she admitted with a shrug.

Stef closed her eyes and shook her head, a woeful smile stretching across her face. “That really is a terrible metaphor for sex.”

They looked at each other for a beat before collapsing into a heap of laughter. By the time either was able to catch her breath, Lena was wiping tears from her eyes and the tension had faded from Stef’s face.

As their laughter faded, Lena found Stef’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I don’t want you to worry about this, okay? If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t finish the first time I went down on a woman, either.”

“Really?” That seemed impossible but Lena nodded her head. “So they’re not going to, like, revoke my lesbian card or something?”

“ _Revoke_ it?” Lena asked, astounded at the very idea. “Honey, you just went down on a woman for the first time. You should be receiving your commemorative plaque in seven to ten business days.” Lena gave her a teasing grin and kissed her lips.

“Oh, goodie! I can hang it up next to Brandon’s Certificate of Participation for T-ball!” Stef snorted at her own joke while Lena rolled her eyes and giggled.

“Look, it happens to everyone. For a million different reasons. It gets easier with time but we could be doing this ten years from now and it could still happen. I can guarantee it’ll happen to me with you at some point. Sometimes, you just can’t get there and it’s okay. The less pressure you put on yourself, the easier it’ll be and the less it becomes a big deal when it does happen.”

Yet again, Stef wondered how Lena knew all the right things to say to silence her worries. She searched her dark eyes that glittered in the lamplight, feeling a tug at her heart that was becoming more familiar by the day.

“So, you think we’ll still be doing this in ten years?” she asked, her voice hopeful at the prospect despite her effort to sound casual.

After a moment, Lena answered with the ghost of smile on her lips. “I hope so.”

“Me, too,” Stef whispered. The possibility was one she had only let herself consider in the most abstract hypotheticals until very recently. She had lived so much in the moment during their relationship as she had figured out how to fit into this new skin, this new life. There hadn’t been much time to spend contemplating the future while she was just trying to navigate the day-to-day. But there had always been part of her heart that knew there was never going to be anyone else but Lena.

She traced her finger down the length of Lena’s nose, across her soft lips, and over her the peak of her cheek. She dragged her gaze down from her love’s eyes to her lips and drew her in to kiss her with all the yearning of her overflowing heart. In a coming together of hearts and bodies, flesh and souls, they made love to one another, finding ecstasy in each other again and again. In the early morning hours, when their bodies were exhausted and sleep called to them like a whispered lullaby, they lay wrapped in each other’s arms with only shimmering moonlight cast across their silhouettes.

Lena was nearing sleep but Stef’s mind was busy, thinking of the all that had just happened, of her past and her future. Her heart pounded against her ribs as she mustered up the courage to ask the question her mind wouldn’t ignore. “Can you really see us together, ten years from now? Is it… Is that what you want?”

Lena turned her eyes up to Stef. She searched her face in the dark, looking for a shadow of doubt that might make her change her mind. But there was nothing except love and hope to be found. The very same love and hope she felt, too. It would have been easy to believe it was just a side effect of the magic they had just shared but Lena knew that what she felt was different than afterglow and so much more than new, young love. She had felt it the first time they met and she had known it was real since that kiss in the school parking lot when they had both chosen to trust in the force that brought them together despite every impossible obstacle in their way.

“You know that I don’t believe in God or fate or any of that.” Her voice was hushed with reverence. “What I do believe in is love. And I have never loved anyone as deeply or fully as I love you, Stef. I know it’s early and we can’t know what the future has in store but I trust this and I know that I don’t ever want to wake up beside anyone else.”

“I love you.” It was a soft declaration, muttered against yearning lips, pouring out from a tender heart.

“I love you, too,” was returned in earnest as their foreheads came to rest together, caught in a moment when no amount of words were enough but they had said the only ones that mattered. Stef drew Lena to her for a kiss that somehow felt different than any they had shared before.

Though they didn’t know it, that night was the moment that the separate paths they had been walking came together and their two futures fused into one. As they drifted to sleep with their limbs tangled and their hearts intertwined, Stef realized that home wasn’t necessarily a place. Home could be a person and, after searching so long, she had finally found hers.


End file.
